TR Ericsson
1976, 2025
oil on canvas
18 x 26 inches
45.7 x 66 cm
45.7 x 66 cm
B-side: The first memory I have of my mother that I can playback in my mind like a looping film reel /was when I was six years old / I...
B-side:
The first memory I have of my mother that I can playback in my mind like
a looping film reel /was when I was six years old / I was riding my
bike along the sidewalk in front of our house / and this big kid was
riding toward me on his 10-speed / a tall, fattish kid / he was forcing
me into a game of chicken / I was afraid of him and afraid of the cut
grooves in the grass at the edges of the sidewalk / I’d gotten my front
bike tire stuck in those grooves before and fallen over / the kid didn’t
mean to run into me but at the last second I turned into him and he
turned into me / and we both went down into the drainage ditch between
the sidewalk and the road / my legs were still caught under my bike /
when I looked up over the grassy edge of the ditch / and saw her coming /
she must have seen us from the house / the kid was getting his bike out
of the ditch / and in a flash she was on him / he was bigger than she
was / but she had him by the hair and had his head yanked down low /
bent over like that he couldn’t get his balance / and he couldn’t get
away from her / she was beating him with her other fist / her thin
forearm was like a swinging hammer handle hitting him all over / kicking
him too / and with the same ferocity / the kid was terrified, flailing,
crying, trying to get free of her / when he finally did and ran off
down the street / she got his bike the rest of the way out of the ditch /
brought it into the street and lifted it over her head and threw it
down into the asphalt / again and again / the bike clanging into the
pavement / small parts breaking off it / I was still in the ditch
watching her / seeing her slitted eyes / her crooked clenched teeth /
her deranged wrath all out of proportion to her thin body / she wanted
to kill that kid / leave nothing left of him / then she wanted to kill
his bike / and leave nothing left of it / she left the bike in the
street / got me out of the ditch and we went back into the house /
that’s all I remember / even then as a small child I felt her rage was
not attached to the kid / or what he’d done / her rage belonged to her /
it was something inside her / and when it came out it was as pure and
crystalline as the snow / her father was the same way / if he blew hard /
he buried you / like snow / or like ice skidding you out of control /
just what snow and ice does / pure like that / pure rage
The first memory I have of my mother that I can playback in my mind like
a looping film reel /was when I was six years old / I was riding my
bike along the sidewalk in front of our house / and this big kid was
riding toward me on his 10-speed / a tall, fattish kid / he was forcing
me into a game of chicken / I was afraid of him and afraid of the cut
grooves in the grass at the edges of the sidewalk / I’d gotten my front
bike tire stuck in those grooves before and fallen over / the kid didn’t
mean to run into me but at the last second I turned into him and he
turned into me / and we both went down into the drainage ditch between
the sidewalk and the road / my legs were still caught under my bike /
when I looked up over the grassy edge of the ditch / and saw her coming /
she must have seen us from the house / the kid was getting his bike out
of the ditch / and in a flash she was on him / he was bigger than she
was / but she had him by the hair and had his head yanked down low /
bent over like that he couldn’t get his balance / and he couldn’t get
away from her / she was beating him with her other fist / her thin
forearm was like a swinging hammer handle hitting him all over / kicking
him too / and with the same ferocity / the kid was terrified, flailing,
crying, trying to get free of her / when he finally did and ran off
down the street / she got his bike the rest of the way out of the ditch /
brought it into the street and lifted it over her head and threw it
down into the asphalt / again and again / the bike clanging into the
pavement / small parts breaking off it / I was still in the ditch
watching her / seeing her slitted eyes / her crooked clenched teeth /
her deranged wrath all out of proportion to her thin body / she wanted
to kill that kid / leave nothing left of him / then she wanted to kill
his bike / and leave nothing left of it / she left the bike in the
street / got me out of the ditch and we went back into the house /
that’s all I remember / even then as a small child I felt her rage was
not attached to the kid / or what he’d done / her rage belonged to her /
it was something inside her / and when it came out it was as pure and
crystalline as the snow / her father was the same way / if he blew hard /
he buried you / like snow / or like ice skidding you out of control /
just what snow and ice does / pure like that / pure rage
Join our mailing list
* denotes required fields
We will process the personal data you have supplied in accordance with our privacy policy (available on request). You can unsubscribe or change your preferences at any time by clicking the link in our emails.